What was happening? Why was this happening? And y’all know we like to look for who and what we can blame… until we realize it’s us!
That’s where I was and why I took a few weeks away from social media. I was in the pursuit of trying to figure out why… (I also got an awesome job offer I needed to process and a few other opportunities which I believe I wouldn't have been able to fully grasp and decide on had I not taken A MOMENT.)
But back to what I was saying about questioning why this was happening… The why was me, I was allowing certain things to happen. I wasn't doing those things that I know I should've been doing in my everyday life and business.
For me, it was saying YES when I should have been saying NO. I got a revelation from God about keeping the main thing the main thing. We often time wonder why this or that is happening and I know from experience that it’s just easier to blame someone else. In the case of some Christians, we’re quick to be like “the devil after me” when in reality Nah sis it’s you!
Your lack of boundaries! Your willingness to do things that didn't align with your bottom line because you don’t want to disappoint or seem a certain way… Let me tell you pretending to care, be interested, or want too when you really don’t want too will always make room for you to be found out and left drained.
I am learning that if I want balance and focus in my life if I want to be my best and most effective self then BOUNDARIES are very important. Coming to understand that boundaries are something you lack takes a certain amount of self-awareness. Let me tell you self awareness is a journey but talking the first step toward understanding why we do certain things can unlock potential and remove roadblocks in your everyday life and business. My lack in setting boundaries and saying no, sorry I can’t, and just being honest about my time and focus for the sake of “being known as” (we all have a reputation we want to uphold until we’re tired of upholding it HA!) I have released that responsibility I don’t want to be known as… I don’t want to portray a certain anything… I just want to be what God wants me to be and I realized that it was going to take setting boundaries. It is not God’s will for us to be drained by our endeavors this goes for everyone. God wants us to stay aligned to our bottom line and for me, my bottom line was whatever He willed.
I had gotten away from what was most important. I had forgotten the prayer I prayed surrendering it all to God asking Him for God opportunities. I had recently spoken on a amazing panel with some pretty cool girls it was great I believe this was one of those opportunities. And it was but the outcome wasn't what I expected. While I felt great being there and connecting with all the women I realized that it wasn't for me! When I say I was drained after the event I was pooped and ended up sick. It wasn't the event that did it, it was that I was operating in a space that didn’t align to my bottom line. At this point I was like God I don’t know what to do… so I surrendered that confusion as well. If we aren't careful we can get into a habit of doing things that cross boundaries and allow roadblocks to the bigger picture.
Here is where self-awareness comes in again. My business is based on helping others it has always been. I love the behind the scenes foundation building. It doesn't call for the spotlight I am effective without social media for example. So when I stepped out of “my lane” it got draining! I can tell you this it won’t happen again… and when I declared that God opportunity after God opportunity presented itself!!!
Long story short don’t be afraid to step back. Sometimes you need to in order to see WHY things are happening the way they are. In order to change what you don’t like you have to take responsibility or release it to chance… The choice is yours! You have to BE the change you want to see!
I know I have been running my mouth for a while… so here is what I want you to take away from my rant!
DO YOU even if you have to “let” people down. (people react based on their level of understanding and perspective). You have to do what is best for you.
BOUNDARIES are important and help you THRIVE!
Pray and ask God for YOUR GOD OPPORTUNITIES! (you have not because you ask not)
Thanks for meeting me for coffee…. -Ashli B.
p.s. this painting is my expression of the feelings I had been feeling I call it “It all starts and finishes with me” oh and read this! 5 Ways to Cultivate Self-Awareness